I have this weird habit of getting bored, going to the bar, and then picking up someone. Sometimes I know them. Every once in a while it is a stranger. They don't remain strangers for long.
That reminds me, I need to return the Nurses book.
That one was from Thursday. A bar I'll call Savor here in Salisbury. I met up with Annie for drinks. She was already plastered after a few drinks. It was her and 3 of her friends. Some girl referred to as Shots, a guy I will call Short Mike, and his friend Hot Tattooed Waiter (HTW). As soon as I walked in the door HTW hands me a mysterious green shot and tells me to drink up. Its a good way to start the evening.
After maybe 45 minutes of a hanging out and in general me sitting back and observing the shit show that is Annie, she decides to leave. Probably a bad idea given her state but what am I supposed to do. Short Mike ended up getting her home. She probably slept with him. They on again and off again date.
So fast forward to Annie and her friends leaving to me sitting at the bar at Savor watching Skins of all things on the TV. To my left is a guy wearing a baggy t shirt and a white baseball cap. His arms have what looks to be poorly done basement tattoos on them. I don't bother with that.
To my right however is a rather clean cut looking older gentleman with pale skin. glasses, and blonde hair. Clearly dyed as no man I see that age has hair that lightly colored. Gelled too. I pegged him at about mid 30s and probably recently divorced. He is sitting there talking to his friend, a shorter darker skinned gentleman.
This guy to my right is who is now known as The Nurse.
The Nurse turned to me " Hey do you know anything about British history?"
Myself "Yes enough to get by in a trivia game"
The Nurse " When was Big Ben built?"
Myself " 1859"
Meanwhile The Nurse's friend on the other side of him is checking his phone. I will call him Tony. Actually for all I know that might be his real name. I'm not sure.
Tony " She's right"
The Nurse looks over at me shocked. At this point I know I have an in.
I finally take a good look at The Nurse and notice he is wearing a Tom Waits t shirt under is sweater. This is information I can use. When someone likes Tom Waits enough to own a t shirt, that means they enjoy Nick Cave, Baumbach films, Wes Anderson, and the poetry of the Beat Generation. My specialties. This guy didn't have a chance.
We spent the evening discussing all the things I mentioned above. Some of them he brought up. Anderson and Waits, Nick Cave as well. But I sealed the deal by asking:
"Have you ever seen 'The Squid and the Whale'?"
Ladies if you would like your own pretentious indie wanker to go home with mention this movie. If they know it, you're in, if they don't they will probably fake like they do. Either way you will be seen as intelligent and cultural, even if in reality you are not.
I ended up driving him home. He bought me a pack of smoke at the WaWa up the road near his house. I usually don't let random guys buy me cigarettes or drinks. It means they expect something in return. But I was almost out of cigarettes and with no cash in my pocket this was a life or death situation. Compromises must be made.
Now a little more on The Nurse. He is obviously as his nickname hints at a nurse. Actually a respiratory therapist. Works at the local hospital. 36. Recently divorced ( I am good at calling it). 2 kids...
Yes. 2 kids.
I make a policy not to get involved with anyone with kids. Usually. But this guy is really cute, has an excellent book collection and is really cute. I couldn't help myself.
We watched cartoons on the couch. He made the first move. I wasn't surprised. Not bad of a kisser but nothing to write home about.
Then he took off his shirt.
Not bad. Hairy chest always a plus. I can't help I like a guy who is a little furrier then some.
But in all that gorgeous chest hair is the ugliest tattoo I have ever seen. I believe it was a portrait of his ex wife. I did my best to ignore it but it was like trying to ignore a down syndrome inflicted elephant bounding about a china shop. Impossible.
So I hit the light switch. Problem solved.
I will say this guy looks very nice naked. Squishy bubble butt for the win. I have a weakness for those. I'm used to chubbier guys though so this was different. He clearly keeps in shape. And it wasn't just all the exercise stuff lying around the house that clued me off. Clearly this guy wants to get back on the market.
Which is why I need to return his book. I have this feeling he let me borrow it based on an excuse to give me a call or have me call him.
Something tells me he doesn't keep multiple copies of Bright Lights, Big City around for random girls he brings home from the bar. And if he does, well that is just impressive. Way to increase the literacy rate Nurse.
The Nurse knows what he is doing. Other wise I wouldn't have taken the book. I look forward to seeing him again. He's charming, intelligent, responsible, and good in bed. Now if he just didn't have that ugly tattoo...
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