The Chef.
I've been on a couple dates with him in the past month and in that month I have had a change of heart.
I don't know what is happening to me. He is just so....
so wonderful. I know my Karma can't be this good.
For Valentines Day he took me to the fancy restaurant he works at. Well the Thursday before V-Day. He had to work. But my god did I feel special. Honestly this is the first guy I've ever known that I feel like he respects me.
Not that I usually do anything to earn a mans respect.
But I'm changing that. I'm getting help. Not literally. Just holding my self more accountable. I;m not going out every night to bars and meeting people. And I am not casually flirting with whoever I want. I'm changing. I am going to become a one man woman dammit.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Pennsylvania heart throb
Oh man.
I've done it again.
I will call him...The Novelist. Because he is technically published. And his work is good.
He is coming to visit at the end of March. We've been talking on FB for a few days now. Ironically enough a guy I met on OKCupid introduced us via Facebook. Its weird I know.
He's amusing. Makes me laugh. And my god is he ripped.
This can either end great for me or like any other hot romance, burn brightly and then fade away. We had a whole banter via photo comments on a picture of mine. It got rather dirty with all the innuendo. Rather amusing. And he works night shifts as well so I at least have someone to talk to which is nice.
I'll keep you updated.
I've done it again.
I will call him...The Novelist. Because he is technically published. And his work is good.
He is coming to visit at the end of March. We've been talking on FB for a few days now. Ironically enough a guy I met on OKCupid introduced us via Facebook. Its weird I know.
He's amusing. Makes me laugh. And my god is he ripped.
This can either end great for me or like any other hot romance, burn brightly and then fade away. We had a whole banter via photo comments on a picture of mine. It got rather dirty with all the innuendo. Rather amusing. And he works night shifts as well so I at least have someone to talk to which is nice.
I'll keep you updated.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Weatherman
You know what I hate. Men who start drama.
The Weatherman is one of those. He is this 27 year old guy here in Salisbury who fancies himself a rock star. Granted he has one hell of a voice. Enough to make a gal cream her pants. But he is an asshole.
I suppose deep down inside girls like guys who are jerks. In this case why this one doesn't have ladies lining up I have no idea.
I admit this is mostly my fault. I was warned about him. But I suppose a few too many beers and an overwhelming curiousity got the better of me.
My friend was right. He does have a small penis. Couldn't keep it up either. He blamed it on the booze, so I suppose that is a valid excuse. Though I didn't see him drink too much...
Anywho, I am not a gal that kisses and tells. Okay, I at least don't name names at least.
I suppose he targeted me because he knew I slept with his friend Lucky Charms. I couldn't help it. Straight out of Europe and cute as a button. I think he was just seeing if he could though. Same with the Weatherman.
Says a lot about me I suppose.
But here is thing thing. I have no problem admitting I love sex. I'm safe about it so why isn't it okay if I have sex with who I want when I want? Men do it all the time right?
I've been with a few guys who say they respected that. Now if they actually do is left to be decided. I think after a while they realize that I am a person they are not used to and their minds, along with everyone around them, tells them that how I live my life is wrong. Obviously I am a terrible person because I sleep around.
It doesn't make me terrible person. It makes me human.
The Weatherman is one of those. He is this 27 year old guy here in Salisbury who fancies himself a rock star. Granted he has one hell of a voice. Enough to make a gal cream her pants. But he is an asshole.
I suppose deep down inside girls like guys who are jerks. In this case why this one doesn't have ladies lining up I have no idea.
I admit this is mostly my fault. I was warned about him. But I suppose a few too many beers and an overwhelming curiousity got the better of me.
My friend was right. He does have a small penis. Couldn't keep it up either. He blamed it on the booze, so I suppose that is a valid excuse. Though I didn't see him drink too much...
Anywho, I am not a gal that kisses and tells. Okay, I at least don't name names at least.
I suppose he targeted me because he knew I slept with his friend Lucky Charms. I couldn't help it. Straight out of Europe and cute as a button. I think he was just seeing if he could though. Same with the Weatherman.
Says a lot about me I suppose.
But here is thing thing. I have no problem admitting I love sex. I'm safe about it so why isn't it okay if I have sex with who I want when I want? Men do it all the time right?
I've been with a few guys who say they respected that. Now if they actually do is left to be decided. I think after a while they realize that I am a person they are not used to and their minds, along with everyone around them, tells them that how I live my life is wrong. Obviously I am a terrible person because I sleep around.
It doesn't make me terrible person. It makes me human.
My night not in paradise
So tonight I hung out my on again off again boyfriend thing, Squishy. I don't know about him sometimes. He is charming, funny, sweet as can be. I just don't have that physical attraction to him.
Why we even started anything I have no idea. We're not dating and I have told him I don't want a relationship. He is fine with that but boy does really want to change that.
I can at least say I have been open and upfront with him
Why we even started anything I have no idea. We're not dating and I have told him I don't want a relationship. He is fine with that but boy does really want to change that.
I can at least say I have been open and upfront with him
Why is this happening?
I've been having a crisis of self lately. Leading a double life will do this to you.
In one I hang out with my group of friends, go to our usual bars and hangouts and in general act like a normal 20 something.
But in the other I go out alone, drink far more then I probably ever should, and make terrible decisions concerning my vagina. Should I have slept with half the men I have? No. Certainly not. I really have no excuse as to why I did other then "Because I can".
And that isn't healthy.
Don't get me wrong, I am always safe about it. Condoms galore. Always have them in my nightstand and if they don't have one then there is nothing happening PERIOD.
So at least I have some scruples ...
In one I hang out with my group of friends, go to our usual bars and hangouts and in general act like a normal 20 something.
But in the other I go out alone, drink far more then I probably ever should, and make terrible decisions concerning my vagina. Should I have slept with half the men I have? No. Certainly not. I really have no excuse as to why I did other then "Because I can".
And that isn't healthy.
Don't get me wrong, I am always safe about it. Condoms galore. Always have them in my nightstand and if they don't have one then there is nothing happening PERIOD.
So at least I have some scruples ...
 |
| I swear I should buy stock in condom companies |
Dr.Wannabe
Dr. Wannabe is a TA at the local university. I call him Dr. Wannabe because he has latched on to this weird artificial idea of what it means to be an English professor. I've known him for about 4 years. In the past year he started wearing sweater vests, discussing bad foreign films, and drinking beer far more expensive then he can afford.
He is also my favorite on-again/off- again booty call.
It all started about 2 years ago in what is admittedly one of the biggest mistakes of my life when it comes to relationships. I slept with Dr. Wannabe despite being in a relationship with someone else, who I will call Ted.
Ted is a nice guy for the most part. I had to end things because I could not reconcile by problems with our relationship. Well that and he was an emotionally abusive man child but that is beside the point. He still has no idea I slept with Dr. Wannabe and both the good Doctor and I want to keep it that way.
Anywho, I got off work Saturday and went over to the Doctors house. That day we were going to grab some beer and watch movies. Sex was going to happen, it was inevitable.
I find myself thinking that the Doctor is someone I truly care for. The problem is I screwed that up by sleeping with him while with someone else. I can never be in an actual relationship with him because our entire sex life started out based on a lie. So he will forever be the man that I know I could have made something beautiful with but never will because of one stupid night of drunken debauchery.
Ladies, when in a relationship with someone DO NOT cheat on them with the person you could theoretically see yourself spending your life with. You will doom it. Also just to be safe, don't dump the guy you are with for this ideal mate. At least give some other excuse and time in between.
After what was surprisingly lackluster sex, we both went outside for a smoke. The cycle began again.
We do this a lot. A tension builds up over a period of time, casual flirting, stolen glances, jokes and innuendo, then BAM! Sex. Then nothing. He can't even look me in the eye.
When we saw each other on the down low it was at the utmost discretion. Understandable.
But now I am still the dirty little secret. I end up being that for a lot of people usually.
He is also my favorite on-again/off- again booty call.
It all started about 2 years ago in what is admittedly one of the biggest mistakes of my life when it comes to relationships. I slept with Dr. Wannabe despite being in a relationship with someone else, who I will call Ted.
Ted is a nice guy for the most part. I had to end things because I could not reconcile by problems with our relationship. Well that and he was an emotionally abusive man child but that is beside the point. He still has no idea I slept with Dr. Wannabe and both the good Doctor and I want to keep it that way.
Anywho, I got off work Saturday and went over to the Doctors house. That day we were going to grab some beer and watch movies. Sex was going to happen, it was inevitable.
I find myself thinking that the Doctor is someone I truly care for. The problem is I screwed that up by sleeping with him while with someone else. I can never be in an actual relationship with him because our entire sex life started out based on a lie. So he will forever be the man that I know I could have made something beautiful with but never will because of one stupid night of drunken debauchery.
Ladies, when in a relationship with someone DO NOT cheat on them with the person you could theoretically see yourself spending your life with. You will doom it. Also just to be safe, don't dump the guy you are with for this ideal mate. At least give some other excuse and time in between.
After what was surprisingly lackluster sex, we both went outside for a smoke. The cycle began again.
We do this a lot. A tension builds up over a period of time, casual flirting, stolen glances, jokes and innuendo, then BAM! Sex. Then nothing. He can't even look me in the eye.
When we saw each other on the down low it was at the utmost discretion. Understandable.
But now I am still the dirty little secret. I end up being that for a lot of people usually.
An introduction
My name is not Lily James. If people knew my actual name then I would be in a lot of trouble.
See I am a sex addict. Or at least that is the only excuse I can give to how I live my life.
I would love to be a one man sort of woman. I really try to. But I can't help the challenge, the chase, and the inevitable reward.
Its caused me some heartbreak I do admit. And probably some damage to my reputation. Or at least it would if it all got out.
In the past 8 years I have slept with 67 men. I am in my 20s. Most of these are from the past 3 years. Thats when I discovered online dating. Bad idea combining a love of sex and the unlimited power of the internet.
On the internet I have cultivated a personality that is based on 50% truth, 30% lies, and 20% sheer audacity. Its worked for me so far surprisingly.
In real life I have to be a little more truthful.
Hell there is a whole group of people at Savor who could call themselves Eskimo buddies.
Squishy
Mid West
Weatherman
Lucky Charms
Cy Young
Savor Waiter
The Nurse
Dr. Wannabe
New York
This is from since about December I think. Maybe November. I need to find a new bar...
See I am a sex addict. Or at least that is the only excuse I can give to how I live my life.
I would love to be a one man sort of woman. I really try to. But I can't help the challenge, the chase, and the inevitable reward.
Its caused me some heartbreak I do admit. And probably some damage to my reputation. Or at least it would if it all got out.
In the past 8 years I have slept with 67 men. I am in my 20s. Most of these are from the past 3 years. Thats when I discovered online dating. Bad idea combining a love of sex and the unlimited power of the internet.
On the internet I have cultivated a personality that is based on 50% truth, 30% lies, and 20% sheer audacity. Its worked for me so far surprisingly.
In real life I have to be a little more truthful.
Hell there is a whole group of people at Savor who could call themselves Eskimo buddies.
Squishy
Mid West
Weatherman
Lucky Charms
Cy Young
Savor Waiter
The Nurse
Dr. Wannabe
New York
This is from since about December I think. Maybe November. I need to find a new bar...
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